


Safe

by happyxwalsh



Series: Season 5 [4]
Category: How to Get Away with Murder
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, I’m crying, M/M, Past Suicidal Thoughts, they are getting married in a few days
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-14
Updated: 2018-11-14
Packaged: 2019-08-23 15:03:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16621244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/happyxwalsh/pseuds/happyxwalsh
Summary: Connor and Oliver talking in more detail, after Connor beat up that homophobe.





	Safe

Connor Walsh has never been good at impulse control, especially if he’s not at peace with himself. He’ll do anything he can to try to numb out the voices in his head that are screaming everything wrong with him. So, he just makes sure he’s distracted enough to not let them win.

Oliver is a good distraction, mainly because he could talk about the most boring thing on earth and Connor would still be absorbing every last word. The younger man has always felt comfortable and safe with his fiancé, which is something he’s definitely been lacked of as a child but it’s different now. 

The hacker has his hand gripped tightly around Connor’s, as he drags him to the bathroom and immediately tends to his wounds. “You said gays gone wild, right?” The law student painfully makes out, attempting to lighten the situation. 

“Yeah,” Oliver responds, focusing on cleaning Connor up. He needs to make sure that he helps his fiancé’s pain be put at ease as much as possible. The idea of him hurting makes the older man want to cry. 

“Did I freak you out?”

“No.”

“Just tell your mother that I fell off a scooter or something.”

“Hey,” Connor opens his good eye  to look up at Oliver, “It’s not your fault the world’s so awful right now. It’s his. ‘Cause if we saw him on the street like that being himself, happy and we would have smiled and kept on walking,” his lips twist up into smile, before he finishes what he has to say, “He’s just lucky my big muscles were there to stop you from killing him.”

“No making me laugh.”

“Sorry.”

Silence consumes them for a short while, before one of them dares to speak again. They both couldn’t help but get déjà vu, this moment is very similar to last year when Connor practically begged Oliver to turn him into the cops. The younger man hates how desperate he was in that moment of weakness. It definitely didn’t help his ‘damaged’ image. 

As much as he hates to admit it, he’ll always be damaged. There isn’t anything that he can do about it, and the law student has to live with that. 

“How come every time I try to help someone it always end bad?” Connor looks down at the floor, ashamed. His fiancé doesn’t know what to say to that, especially because he hasn’t been through all the trauma that Connor has been through. The older man can’t promise it’ll get better. If something bad happens again, after that promise, what if it sends Connor over the edge?

“That’s a loaded question... but it’s not you fault, like I said. You can never predict these types of things, you can only try to move on. Or distract yourself.”

“That’s why I helped to begin with, to distract myself from-“ he stops himself, giving Oliver an uneasy feeling. 

“What?”

“It’s nothing. Forget it.”

“Clearly it isn’t nothing. You’re about to be my husband and I want to know everything about you. Tell me.”

“I wanted to distract myself from the voices in my head, telling me that I’d be better off dead. I went to Annalise for help because I had already been close to doing something about it,” Oliver’s eyes turn glassy, at thought of him going through all of that alone. 

“Oh, my god, you thought about- and I didn’t even know?”

“I didn’t want to tell you ‘cause I was terrified you were only going to see me as more damaged. I’m sorry, Ollie,” his eyes fill with nothing but sadness. The hacker feels his heart shatter at the sight, stopping what he’s doing to pull Connor into his embrace. 

The older man keeps his tears from escaping down his cheeks, focusing on the fact that Connor is in his arms. Safe. He didn’t do anything, and Oliver will make sure he never does for the rest of his life. 

**Author's Note:**

> Can you tell I really want them to talk about this subject? Trust me, I have so many more like this coming.


End file.
